Keep Running
by Milkdudz
Summary: What if Iris did die at the end of Season 3 of the Flash? What would that do to Barry? Re-imagining of season 3. Iris dies, they find alternate way to beat Savitar but Barry steal loses the closest thing to him. Will he do whatever he can to get her back, even if that means breaking the biggest promise he made, or will he move on? Says Flash/Arrow but will include Legends/Suprgirl
1. Intro Dialog

I am NOT the fastest man alive.

That title goes to Wally West, Kid Flash.

I work at STAR LABS helping my friends

Catch metahumans and when I'm not there

I'm working as a forensics scientist for the CCPD.

I know what you may be thinking, what happened to my speed?

I haven't used my speed in these past three months, not since

I let the woman I loved get murdered right before my eyes

And I wasn't fast enough to stop it.

I've stayed behind the scenes ever since,

I've decided it's the best for me.

I can't pretend to be the hero I don't deserve to be.

My name is Barry Allen,

And I WAS the Flash…


	2. Chapter 1

Moving On

"Man, I don't care what you say, if I hadn't of timed that portal perfectly, you wouldn't have even made the jump," Cisco's voice came echoing down the hall, into the cortex.

"Cisco, I can rotate my legs fast enough to create a tornado and just fly over the gap," Wally argued, " you just happened to been more aware of where Peek-a-boo was going to go so you made a call."

"Why must you two children always argue after we stop a baddie," Frost's voice followed behind them, " we stopped the bad-girl, shut it maybe?" Cisco, Wally and Caitlin all entered the Cortex one after another. Cisco and Wally suited up as Vibe and Kid Flash, Caitlin in her light blue jacket, hair turned platinum white and crystal blue eyes, in full on Frost mode. She looked annoyed and tired from the other two's arguments.

"Damn girl, someone hasn't had her latte today," Cisco remarked as he removed his jacket and visors. Caitlin pulled up a chair and sat down, her hair slowly changing back to her natural brown along with her eyes. When she's back to normal, she is normally her more caring, warm self as opposed to the cold attitude her alter-ego, Frost had, but she shot an evil look at Cisco who decided to keep his distance from her. As they spoke a tall dark haired man in glasses came walking out of the lab area, followed by a slightly shorter, brown haired man.

"Great job guys," Barry greeted his friends, "You kicked ass."

"Great job indeed," Harry added. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to go visit my earth for a few days, should be back by the end of the week." Everyone said their byes and Harry disappeared out of the cortex.

Barry moved over to a computer and started typing away, smirking to himself as he overheard the conversation Wally and Cisco were having on who was Mario and who was Luigi in their team-up. Caitlin pulled up her chair next to Barry and faced her computer and went to work on her research.

"Have they been doing this the whole time you guys were gone?" Barry asked.

"I had to stop Frost from putting an icicle through the both of them." She responded. Barry chuckled to himself. This had been the first time Caitlin had seen him smile since the incident. She was about to ask him how his day was until she heard a phone go off, Barry's phone.

"Hello," Barry answered. He then jerked the phone away from his ear before moving slowly back to his ear. "Yes Captain Singh…I understand…yes sir….yes sir…ill have on your desk in the morning…or tonight works too…sorry sir…goodbye." As he hung up he brushed his hand through his hair. He stood up and grab up his stuff and headed for the exit. Cisco noticed this and made eye contact with the other two. He punch Wally in the arm, prompting him to speak up.

"Hey Barry! Um, where you heading?" Wally asked

"Oh, CCPD, Singh is pissed and I gotta get some document to him before tonight or it's my job."

"Ok, well, we all were gonna go to a bar tonight, hang out and talk if you wanna join."

"You know I would but with the documents for Singh plus the other paperwork I have, I'm really backed up on work." Barry stated, the same excuse they had heard before.

"Ok, well they're also supposed to have that Central City carnival Thursday, all of us are going. Dad and Cecille are going too-,"

"I would," Barry cut him off," but like I said im too busy. I have to go, I'll see you guys later." On that note Barry left them all in silence in the cortex. They waited until they knew he was out of ear shot before they began talking.

"Guys, we've got to do something," Wally began, " he's been like this for months."

"The guy's losing it, he was never behind on work when he used his speed, but now it's like he's forgot how to run all together." Cisco added.

"Yeah, I asked him last week if he wanted to have a friendly race and he made up some excuse about how he was having a migraine, we've got to get him out and active." Wally continued.

"I seems like the only place he ever goes now is the CCPD and his apartment. He's rarely here and when he is he's listening to music and working of CCPD work. Completely drowns us out like we aren't even here." Cisco stated, sounding more sad than when he had when he had just gotten back today. He felt like he had lost his friend again but for good this time.

"Guys, he's still mourning. Everyone has their own way of coping with things and some take longer than others. He just have to let him get through this at his own pace, we need to respect that." Caitlin came to Barry's defense.

"Yes, Caitlin, I agree but you seem to forget, she was MY sister. My dad's first born. I loved her just as much as they did and it broke me but I managed to move on because I know she wouldn't have wanted us to mope around. I even got my dad to come around, it took forever to get him out of the house, he nearly lost his job and now he's a hundred times better than he was. Do you honestly think Iris would want Barry to just stop doing what he loved, forget how to live and become a hermit?" Wally argued. Caitlin couldn't respond, she knew he was right, they both were. Ever since Iris's death, Barry had become a different person. He had told them how destroyed his future self had been when he ran forward to try and figure out how to beat Savitar, and she feared that their friend was becoming closer and closer to what he had described to them.

"Ok, well it's not like we can just force him to talk to us about something he clearly doesn't want to think about, doing that would push him as far as to never stepping foot in the lab again, and then we may never see him again," she prompted. They all stayed silent, understanding that that was the last thing they wanted to do. After a while of silence, Cisco spoke up.

"You're right, we can't force him. But, if we get someone who he is willing to open up to, then it isn't forcing." Cisco and Wally made eye contact before focusing their stare onto Caitlin who was looking at her computer screen. It took her a second to realize the other two had gotten quiet before she looked up and saw them.

"Oh, no. I was just clearly against this there is no way I am doing this. What makes you think he'll wanna talk to me about it?" she fought.

"Because Caitlin, the two of you are closer than we are with him. You two have been through just about the same things and from the sidelines I could see you two were always there for one another and knew how to bring the other from darkness. If anyone can get him to talk, it's you." Cisco reminded her of all the times Barry was there for her, Ronnies death, Jay's 'death', Zoom's kidnapping, first becoming Killer Frost. That last thought hit her hard, which reminded her why she couldn't be the one to do it.

"I can't," she started, but Wally entered the mix.

"Caitlin, please, if you can get through to him maybe we can get things back to how they were. We've already agreed it's harder for us without him in the field, it's only a matter of time before we cant help the city. We need him as the Fla-,"

"I CAN'T!," Caitlin exclaimed. This made both boys flinch, they could see her eyes start to glow and white start trickling down from the top of her hair. Once she realized what was going on she shut her eyes and began to breath slowly. After a minute she began to look normal again. "I just, can't."

"Why not?" Wally asked, both slightly saddened and annoyed.

"Because of her," Caitlin pointed out her single strand of white hair that was permanently in her head. "She is why I can't. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have ever turned on you guys, I wouldn't have helped that…Psychopath. Iris would have never been captured and she would still be he-," her voiced cracked. They guys could see tears begin to form in the corners of her eyes. "I am the leading reason for Iris's death, that is on my hands. I am incredibly grateful and even still completely befuddled that you and Joe were able to forgive me, Wally. But with Barry, I know if I try to talk to him he would just shut me out, I'm surprised he can even spend a day in the same room with me let alone talk to me."

"Caitlin, Joe and I already told you that it wasn't your fault,"

"And I thank you for giving me some hope then, but it doesn't change the fact that I know what I did." She wiped the tears out of her eyes and grabbed what little things she had with her. "I am sorry guys, I would do just about anything you know that, but please don't ask me to do this." She turned and walked out of the cortex, leaving Wally and Cisco feeling bad about what they had asked of her, not considering her feeling for it.


	3. Chapter 2

Guilt

When Caitlin got home she went through her normal routine. She tossed her bag, coat and keys on the dinner table, tied her hair into a ponytail and drew a bath. She slipped in and soaked in the warm water, trying to relax and forget about how she had left STAR LABS on a bad note. After a while she got out, dried off, changed into sweats and a STAR LABS t-shirt she couldn't remember where she had gotten it. She just remembered coming home one day with it on and just decided to keep it. She curled up on her couch under a blanket and turned on the tv. As she sat there, watching the Nature Channel, her phone buzzed on the side table next to here. She grabbed it and checked only to see two missed texts from Cisco.

 **' _Hey Caitlin. Sorry about earlier, I understand if you're ignoring me but you have to understand where I was coming from. You and Barry come from similar backgrounds, you've got to understand what he's going through more than anyone' 7:35pm_**

 **' _I know you promised me to never talk about it again, let alone tell Barry, but I still remember what you told me last year about your feelings for him. You care a lot and I didn't need you to tell me that for me to have seen it. I never saw you look at someone the way you did Ronnie when you two were together. But with Barry it's like you found that light again. I just figured if you could show him some of that light, we might get our best friend back. Have a good night, I'll see you tomorrow, Cisco' 7;40pm_**

As she read the texts she could feel the temperature in the room begin to drop. She felt the tips of her fingers getting ice cold. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly, counting to ten. After ten seconds, everything began going back to normal. She sighed and looked out of her apartment window. Usually she only turned into Frost when she was angry or scared, but while she read the texts she wasn't upset nor did she have anything to be afraid of. As she read it she felt sadder than anything. Sad about how she treated Wally and Cisco, sad that she hadn't wanted to help Barry because she was afraid at the moment, and sad that all that Cisco had said was true.

Caitlin had never wanted to admit it, but she had grown strong feeling for her speedster friend. When Barry had first became the Flash, he was just her patient, but as time went on and they began to become close friends, she found herself falling for him. Barry had managed to make her do something she had cut out of her life after Ronnie passed. Smile. Have fun. He broke down the walls she had built. He was always there for her in times of trouble, life threatening or not. From the time Snart and Rory kidnapped her, to Ronnie's 'second' death, to Zoom's kidnapping, she had never been truly afraid because she trusted that he would save her. Barry had made her feel safe. Even after her transformation to Killer Frost, he was the only one that was able to bring her back to reality The only thing that had stopped her, was her understanding of Barry's love for Iris. She had nothing against Iris, they were friends, but did it pain Caitlin to watch Barry chase for someone who showed no signs of interest in him for years while she was beside him the whole time with these feeling? Yes it did, but that didn't make her like Iris any less before or after the two got together.

Now she couldn't help but feel guilty for what he was going through. She had played a roll in Iris's death, no matter what the others said and she would have to live with that for the rest of her life and she had accepted it. Barry and Iris had been so happy together and now here he is, not living his life because of her. To make matters worse, Caitlin couldn't help but think she was dishonoring Iris's memory for thinking of her feeling for Barry.

She continued to sit there, alone in her apartment, after had turning the tv off, in complete silence. She stared out the window, thinking. She had finally come to a decision. She had to put the feeling she had for Barry aside and check on her friend. Their friendship was worth more to her than, what she was still hoping to be, a high school crush. She grabbed her phone and opened the texts from Cisco and replied.

 ** _'Thank you Cisco, I know you meant well, and I shouldn't have blown up like I did. I have thought about it and I think I'll go see him tomorrow after work. Good night. See you in the morning :)' 8:00pm_**

* * *

The next day seemed to crawl by slower than any other day. This could have been from the lack of action they had gotten that day, but Caitlin knew it was her nerves that had be getting the best of her. Her stomach was in knots, she was checking the time every five minutes. Once five o'clock rolled around, she knew it was time to face the biggest challenge she thinks she's ever had to face. Barry hadn't shown up to STAR LABS today, which seemed to make her nerves worse. At least if he had shown up today, she would have a sense of how he was doing before showing up unannounced at his front door. Cisco approached her as she began to head outside to her car.

"Hey, Caitlin. I know you said you did some thinking last night, but so did I. So if you don't want to do this you don't have to." He tried to reassure here. She smiled and gave a hug.

"It's fine. I'd decided that I have to do this. Barry was always there for me in my darkest times, it's only right that I'm there for his. I only hope he is willing to let me in and not be cold like I was to all of you for the longest times." After a few more minutes of talking, they said their goodbyes and Caitlin got in her car. She started it up and took a deep breath before heading toward the direction of Barry's apartment.

* * *

 **' _There is no Flash without Iris West'_**

The words echoed through his head. He sat on his couch, cross legged. No telling how long he had been sitting there. His eye's were shut. He just sat there in silence, remembering every feature of her face. Her chocolate brown hair, her brown eye's, her cheek bones, the small dimple in her chin. Everytime he pictured this, he would always see her smile last. The red-wine lip stick covered smile that would lighten him mood and warm his body even on the coldest days. He remembers every detail. But then it happens. Just like every other time, the same scene plays through his mind. He's there again, at the bottom of the steps, looking up as that beautiful face that he just pictured has a broken horrified look grew across it. Towering behind her was the metal demon himself.

 **' _You lose Flash'_**

These word now feel his head. As he sees the arm raise and the blade extend he tried to scream but nothing came out. He tried to run but he was frozen in place. He stood in horror watching as the woman he loved was after to leave him again. He stared as the blade disappeared behind her, and just it was about to penetrate, Barry heard a knocking. His eyes fly open and he notices he's broken into a sweat. His hand were clinched so hard his knuckles were pale white. As he sat there he heard the knock again. This time he rose from his spot on his couch, nearly stumbling over some clothes that were on the floor. As he reached the door he looked through the peep hole to see a pacing Caitlin Snow. He answered the door, "Hey, Caitlin," he said as he opened the door, which seemed to catch Caitlin off guard because she jumped," What are you doing here?"

"Oh, um, I just stopped by to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine," he replied," that all?" this came out harsher that he had meant but the liquor that was still in him didn't allow him to care or apologize.

"ehm, I guess not. I-I guess I'll go," she answered. She turned to leave as he shut the door but something inside made her stop. "Actually Barry," she spun back around. Barry opened his door again," actually I have something to say. Do you mind if I come in?"

He looked hesitant for a minute, but after a moment he shrugged and said," why not. But I don't have all the time, with CCPD work."

As she entered the apartment, she quickly observed the flat, which wasn't hard considering it looked completely different than the last time she had sat foot inside. Clothes everywhere, Big Belly Burger wrappers everywhere, paper work strung out on the floor and tables and a strong smell of alcohol and chemicals.

"Have you been drinking?" she asked, completely confused because she knew he couldn't get drunk.

"Oh, sorry. Yea. Winn, friend of Kara's was able to make something that could help with the 'no-drinking' problem I had and sent it on to me as a gift last time Kara was here." As he spoke Barry tried to make the place look presentable but also didn't make a great attempt at the same time. It hurt Caitlin to see him like this.

As she continued to walk around she noticed the only thing that seems to be clean was the bed, which seemed to not have been slept in for days, which made Caitlin's heart ache. She heard Barry moving papers around and throwing trash away.

"So, what was it you needed to say?" he asked.

She turned to face him and noticed he was trying to look like he was busy, almost as if to get rid of her faster, but Caitlin wasn't going to fall for it. "I just wanted to see if you would reconsider coming with us all to the fair tomorrow."

"I would but like I said-"

"You have CCPD work," she finished for him. This seemed to draw Barry's attention, as he stopped writing and looked up.

"Why are you really here Caitlin?"

"I…we...Cisco, Wally and I are worried about you."

"I told you I'm fine. Just busy."

"You've been busy ever since – "

"I said I'm too busy to waste time at a dumb fair." Barry snapped back at her. She knew she was treading thin ice with where she was going with her last comment so she decided against finishing it. "Anything else?"

"I just thought, maybe getting you out and among friends would take away some of the stress you're dealing with from-" she noticed his eyes shift from the paper he was looking at to the side," from CCPD. But if you don't think you can make time then I can't force you to go. I'll leave you to work, good night."

"Mhm," was his only reply.

She turned and began to walk to the door before she noticed a picture frame on a nearby end table, turned face down. She knew what the picture was. She reached down and picked it up and turned it over to reveal a picture of Barry and Iris. She didn't know when or where the picture was taken, but she knew they were happy. Upon looking at the picture, the same thing that had made her turn back around in the hallway made her stand her ground and not leave. She had to do this, even if it meant risking everything. She placed the photo back up to its proper position and turned back to Barry.

"No, I'm not leaving. I'm not letting you shut me out Barry Allen. If you wouldn't let me shut you out when I was going through tough times then you aren't allowed to either."

This got his attention, looking up from his work. "What are you talking about, I said I'm fine."

"And I'm saying you are a horrible liar. You are going through a dark time right now and I of all people can see it because I've gone through the same thing, and you were the person who was there to bring back from that darkness more than once. So just because the shoes on the other foot and you think you can just shut us out and act cold, doesn't mean you can get away with it. If you don't wanna talk about it-"

"There's nothing to talk about," Barry cut her off, getting up from his seat and moving to another table with more papers.

"Then you are going to listen." She hadn't meant for this to turn into a lecture or an intervention, but she knew how stubborn Barry could be when he was upset or didn't want to talk about something so she figured this was the only way to go about it.

"When Ronnie died, I wanted nothing more but to shut out the world and just work. I never went anywhere but STAR LABS and home. That all changed when I met you, and you helped me get through my damaged path…"

"Caitlin…" Barry started but she wouldn't let him continue.

"I know I am probably the last person you wanna talk to considering I played a key role I what happened. But I wanted to say I am so truly sorry for what I did and what I have put you through."

"I don't wanna listen or talk about this anymore so why don't you just leave," this time Barry made himself heard, not being stopped. Caitlin stopped, but knew she couldn't let him win this.

"Iris wouldn't have wanted this Barry," she said simply. After saying these words, Caitlin had never truly felt worried about being around Barry, not until she saw his hands close into fists and he got very quiet. "Barry," Caitlin continued, slowly approaching him," Barry, she wouldn't have wanted this and I know you know this too." She had gotten close enough and placed a hand slowly on his shoulder, but just as quick as she had touched him he moved his shoulder out from under her. He moved to the window and stood facing away from her.

"Get out," he said, low but firm.

"Barry, please," Caitlin tried but just then he whipped around an she could see pain in his eye's. Pain, sorrow and hatred (whether for her she wasn't sure, but hoped not).

"GET OUT!" he yelled. They stood there, eye to eye for what seemed a lifetime for Caitlin. When he had yelled it sadden her more than anything. She decided it was best to not try and fight back at this point. She knew she had lost.

"Fine," she said firmly," I just thought I could save my friend who has saved my life more times than I could count, but he would let me, so I guess I'll go…but just know I am truly sorry for what I've done, and I can only hope you can forgive me one day." She turned around and walked toward the door.

This time, as she reached the door, the same feeling from the first two times came back, but stronger. Before she could do anything, she felt herself losing the battle. She felt her finger tips get cold and her blood turn to ice.

* * *

As Caitlin walked away from him, part of him wanted him to tell her to stop and come back so he could apologize, but that side was beaten out by the part that said, go get a drink. He made his was over to his kitchen counter and poured the concoction Winn had given him into another glass. He went to take an entire shot until he noticed the temperature to lower so much that he nearly began to shiver. He placed the glass down and looked at his thermostat next to his fridge. Strange it was at 75* but it felt like 32*. He lifted his glass back up to notice it was a complete block of ice.

"What's wrong Speedy," a familiar voice came from his right," too chilly?" he turned to see the white-haired alter ego of his friend Caitlin Snow standing right in from of him.

"What do you want?" he asked, slightly worried and slightly demanding.

"Oh nothing," Frost said as she crossed her arms and stood like a statue," I just wanted to have a little chat." She gave him a cold icy stare which froze him in place, even though she hadn't made any ice appear. "You listened to Caitlin, and know you are going to listen to me, and if you try to interrupt me I'll ice your mouth shut. We both know you seeing me here right now much light a fire inside you so hot that you would use it to snuff me out quicker than you can run and I don't blame you. I was to blame for you losing your girl," Barry opened his mouth but Frost held up a finger and he remained silent," I get it if you hate me, haven't really made myself to be liked, but we both know our little Caity-bell didn't deserve the way you just treated her. Resent me all you want, but she's been there for you more than you can even noticed or care to even remember, but of course that's none of my business to talk about. Maybe when she puts on her big girl pants she'll bring it up. Like I said, hate me, but you treat her the way you just did again, believe when I say I will be back and she won't be able to stop me, and I will make it as so you will never be able to use those running legs our your again, not that you use them anymore anyway." She gave him a small smile as to say, I know I make myself clear. With that she walked toward the door," Oh and one more thing," she said turning back. She thing shot a icicle at the large bottle of liquor Barry had been drinking and caused it to shatter everywhere," now without that you'll be able to think clearly and realize going to that little fair may just be worth it." On that note she exited the building and left Barry with a cold apartment and a mess to clean up.

As he stood there, Barry could feel himself getting angrier by the minute, the only problem is, he didn't know where to direct the anger. He was angry with Caitlin for bringing up Iris, but he knew she was only trying to help. He was pissed off at Frost for what she had done and said, but even then he didn't blame her. He was actually more surprised to see how protective over Caitlin, Frost was. He wasn't even upset with from going beyond what she said about it being her fault for what happened to Iris. Much like Caitlin, Frost was hurt and lost and because of his negligence toward trying to help them both, this caused them both to easily be manipulated by Savitar. The only person who was to blame was Barry. He was angry with himself for how he treated Caitlin, not only tonight but while she was going through what she was going through with Killer Frost. She said he was always there for her, but he wasn't truly there for her then, not fully and he regretted it. He looked up at the table where he had placed the, now properly sitting picture, down on it's face. He thought about what Caitlin had said. He knew she was right, and he knew Iris would being scolding him right now for what he had done. He looked around his apartment and made up his mind. He grabbed and trash bag from a cabinet and proceeded to start cleaning.


	4. Chapter 3

Homecoming

"He must hate me," Caitlin sighed as she walked. "I knew I should have just let him cope in his own way."

"Ok, just replay to me what happened again, but slower," Cisco stopped them both. They were walking past one of those old classic carnival tents with the milk bottles and throwing rings. He paid worker a dollar and began tossing rings as he listened to Caitlin. "Maybe the TLDR version too."

Caitlin took a deep breath, thinking back to the night previous, trying not to best herself over the head with one of the nearby milk bottles with how embarrassed and ashamed she felt. "Ok, I went over after work, I asked him if we could talk, he tried to avoid it but I wouldn't let him blow me off. So I started talking and then I brought up Iris. He got upset and told me to leave and then that's when, she came out, and I can't remember everything clearly after that."

"Dammit," Cisco huffed under his break after missing every toss before looking back at Caitlin," You don't think she/you, hurt him do you?"

"No, I vaguely remember what happened. Everything went cold, she said she wanted to talk, she shot an ice shard at him but it hit whatever it was he was drinking. Then after that I remember walking into a liquor store, ironically, then I woke up on my couch this morning with a half empty bottle of whiskey."

"Well that sounds hopeful," Cisco said, sarcasm filling his tone. "Look, you did your best okay, you can't say you didn't. And you can't be sure that he hates you, you never know, maybe something got through and he had an epiphany." He tried to reassure her, placing an arm around her shoulder as they walked but Caitlin still felt like crap.

"Or he could hate my guts, and because of me he's never gonna show up at STAR LABS again and may never speak to any of us again." Cisco rolled his eye's and panned the crowd of people for their other companions. He remembered leaving Cecille and Joe at the strong man sledge hammer game, while Wally tried to knock over a rigged stacked of bottles with baseballs. As he scanned, his sight got fixed on a familiar looking figure and a grin perked up across his face.

"Actually I think he did have second thoughts and totally not upset with up, in fact I'd put money on it."

"And what makes you think that?" Caitlin asked. She looked at Cisco, who still had his eyes fixed forward, grin still showing. She followed his stare and her heart skipped a beat. Whether from shock or joy she didn't know, but soon after it started to race, not sure what to do. Barry had shown up to the fair and from the looks of it he still hadn't seen either of them, let alone the others. He stood alone, looking like a lost middle schooler looking for his first class as he looked around. He finally caught a glimpse of Cisco waving him down. He acknowledged Cisco and headed in their direction. Caitlin could felt her stomach turning. 'He actually came!' she thought 'What do I say?!'. Her mind was racing, unsure what to do or say.

"Hey man, glad to see you could take a break from work and chillax with us, get from fresh air." Cisco gave his friend a 'bro' hug.

"Yea, I-I gave it a second thought and decided it may be fun." Barry noticed Caitlin not making eye contact as she bit her lower lip. "Hey, Caitlin…" she looked at him, still biting her lip," hey, um, could we talk?" She had just opened her mouth, ready to answer, when Wally came up from behind and made himself known.

"Yo guys, you gotta come see this, there's this dude juggling chainsaws an-," he stopped after he noticed Barry with them. "Oh, Hey Barry. I see you managed to skip work."

"Well skip isn't what I would call it, lets just say I managed to make some time," Barry explain, giving a small smile.

"Well either way, I'm glad you came."

"I am too," Barry looked around," Where's Joe and Cecille?" The others looked around, unsure of were the older couple had gone off too.

"Last I saw them they were getting popcorn," Wally stated. After a few more minutes, Caitlin pointed the couple out. They were heading in their direction, but they weren't really paying them any mind. They were bought trying to drop popcorn into each other's mouths as they walked.

"There you two are," Cisco announced the groups presence as the six of them got closer. Joe and Cecille tried to recover themselves from the childish playing they had taken part in but the others were already chuckling.

"Hey, we are adults, if we wanna eat popcorn in a new way, we are allowed," Cecille came to the defense.

"Tell'em sweetheart," Joe smirked, " what have yall-" he focused his attention and the group, only to notice someone he hadn't seen outside of the precinct," Hey Bar."

Barry gave Joe a small nod. The two hadn't really spoken after Iris's funeral. Sure they worked together, but even then Barry was always in his lab so the only words spoken would be in passing at the precinct or on a case. There must have been some sense of awkwardness that washed over the group as they all stood there in silence. Cecille, however, came to the rescue.

"Hey, Cisco, Wally, you two should win Caitlin and I a stuffed panda," she spoke up, grabbing both men by their arms and pulling them away, Caitlin getting the idea and following. As they walked, Barry and Joe could hear their chatting getting lower, catching the last thing Cisco had said.

"Like you want a big giant one yall can share? Like how's that gonna work, someone gets it Monday through Wednesday and then yall switch off?" He asked sarcastically. This earned him Cecille switching from pulling his arm to pulling him by the ear. Joe chuckled to himself, mumbling something about Cecille and how she was crazy, in a good way.

"So, how have you been?" Barry asked, seeing no other way to start a conversation.

"I've been good. Aside from work Cecille is enough to keep me busy and on my toes."

"Yea, I can see that. You two seem really happy."

"Yep. She's something special." Joe had his eye's set on Cecille from where they were standing, smile as wide as a kid in a candy store. "So how about you?"

"I've- been making it. You know how much work Singh's been throwing my way, it's hard but manageable."

"Barry, I think we both know what I mean." Barry absolutely knew, he just wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about this.

"I'm…I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard," he was quiet, thinking of the next thing to say. "Look, Joe, I'm sure for leaving after what happened. I shouldn't have shut off everyone out of my life, especially you and Wally, not while you were going through what you were. I should have been there instead of acting like everything was normal because I wasn't and I hate myself for it-" Joe raised a hand and cut him off.

"Barry, I don't blame you for trying to act like it didn't happen, believe me for awhile I was doing the same thing, until Wally pulled me up out of it. Am I upset with you for shutting us out? No, because I understand what you were going through as well, but I will admit it would have been easier on me if you hadn't because not only did it feel like I had just lost my baby girl, but if felt like I lost a son too."

That hit Barry so hard he had to fight tears from popping up in his eyes. "I just couldn't see how I could be around you and Wally and be reminding you that I'm the reason for what happened."

"Ok, I'm gonna stop you there. I swear if I've learned anything from half he stuff you've told me about Oliver Queen, it's that you two do have one thing in common and that's taking the blame for everything. I don't blame you for Iris's death Barry. Hell I blame myself because I didn't want her mixed into every going on at STAR LABS to begin with, but when she found out, I decided to let her be part of the team and I regretted that even before she passed. Barry I know how much you loved Iris and after those years of watching you two grow up, I knew you would do anything to keep her safe. You can't keep blaming yourself for something you couldn't control." Barry just couldn't find any other words to say so instead he just pulled Joe into a hug.

"I'm just, so sorry. It's just, without Iris, I felt lost for the first time I didn't know what to do. I miss her so much."

"I do too Bar, I do too. I'm just glad to see you out and about and not pilling yourself with paperwork" They pulled apart and Barry tried to compose himself.

"Yea, well I had some help realizing that Iris wouldn't have wanted me to stop living my life. I have to keep moving like I know she would want me to. I'm just hoping it starts to get easier from this point on." Joe wrapped an arm around his shoulder and smiled.

"Well, just know that you have the rest of us here for you, so that should make it easier." Barry returned the smile as the walked. They kept talking about everything and anything, CCPD, things Barry missed out on…that was pretty much it. "Have you been to see her grave since the funeral?"

Barry shook his head," No. It's been to hard to bring myself to go alone."

"Well if you want, I can take you tomorrow after work or during lunc-," Joe wasn't finished when their conversation was interrupted by a loud crashing sound, followed by multiple screams. They looked in the direction of the screams only to see a crowd of people start running in their way. The two tried their best not to be knocked over by the hoard of people pushing past them, trying to figure out what was going on and where the others were. As they fought their way past the oncoming crowd, Barry could see the white haired alter ego of Caitlin Snow shooting ice at something or someone that was hidden behind a large carnival tent. He wasn't sure what had happened in the past few minutes he and Joe had been away but he knew it couldn't have been good. As they kept moving Cecille ran into Joe, panic on her face.

"Thank god, we have to get everyone out of here," Cecille stated.

"Hold up, what's going on?" Joe asked.

Cecille turned and pointed," That." Barry and Joe's eyes followed her finger. As they fixed their eyes on the spot across the field they saw light blue streaks of energy go flying, followed by Cisco crashing into a carnival tent. They still weren't sure what was happening until they saw a man dressing in an all black suit stare walking toward Cisco.

"Meta?" Joe asked.

"With the power of telekinesis apparently," Cecille added. "I already called Singh, he and backup are on the way, we need to make sure nobody gets hurt while they take care of him."

"Damn, you stole my line," Joe gave a slight smirk," Ok, go make sure everyone is getting out of the park, Barry and I will go check and make sure nobodies trapped hiding in any tents." Cecille nodded and left the two. They ran around checking all tents they could without getting in the way of the team. After confirming everyone was out Barry and Joe rejoined each other.

"You know, I'm sure they could really use you right now," Joe noted.

"Believe me even if I wanted, I don't think I could even phase my hand through a sheet of paper anymore. Besides they have Wally, they can do this." Just then they both heard a loud agonizing cry of pain. They turned to find Wally slumped up against the base of a near by tree with his leg twisted in a way it shouldn't have been.

"WAL-," Joe caught himself, seeing the sight of his son in pain and danger nearly made him give him identity away. "Kid Flash!" He started to make his way to Wally before being hit with a metal trash bin that came flying his way. It knocked Joe of his feet and into a pole, hitting his head and knocking him out.

"Joe!," Barry ran to his side. He checked to make sure he was still breathing and then dragged him behind a tent. He grabbed Joe's sidearm, hoping to be of some help. After securing Joe in a safe place, Barry made his way to Wally, making sure not to be noticed by the meta Cisco and Caitlin were dealing with.

"Wally, you ok?" Barry asked.

"Not really, my leg's broken," he tried to move but winced in pain," and Joe's hurt."

"Joe's gonna be ok and so are you, just stay here." Before Wally could come up with some reason to protest Barry was making his way to Cisco and Caitlin's aid. He made his way behind the meta who seemed to be giving his friends a run for their money, and he wasn't even touching them. He had his arms folded behind his back as various objects were being moved and flung at his friends.

"CCPD! Stop what you're doing," Barry tried his best officer voice. The meta turned his head and smirked. He turned to Barry and raised an arm. This gesture was followed by a park bench being ripped from the ground. Barry didn't see any other choice but to shoot. It didn't dawn on Barry until after unloading the entire clip and noticing the meta still standing, as to how stupid of a decision it was to shoot.

"Wow, very smart move," the meta remarked. He then sent both the bench and all the bullets in Barry's direction. Barry closed his eyes and braced for impact, but after a moment he noticed that he was still standing. He opened his eyes to see a blue portal swirling in front of him. After he made sure Barry was fine, Cisco closed the breach and placed his focus back on the meta, shooting beams of energy at him. The meta ripped off a nearby cars door to deflect the beams and then used his powers to send Cisco flying into Barry, causing the pair to hit the ground hard.

"Thanks for the save," Barry grunted from pain.

"No problem, we have to stop this guy before he…no," Cisco grew a look of panic and fright. Barry looked in the direction of his gaze and his blood with cold. He looked to see Caitlin froze in place, hands on her throat as if she was choking herself. The meta, standing in front of her, raised a knocked down street pole which had a jagged edge at one end, and pointed it at Caitlin. It lowered down from her head to her stomach and slowly began to move closer to her abdomen.

Time slowed down for Barry, a feeling he hadn't felt in what seemed like an eternity. His whole body was vibrating, lighting danced in his eyes. Before even he knew it he was no longer beside Cisco, but over the body of the meta. He hand balled in a fist, hurting from the lack of training. He looked down to his side to see Caitlin laying on the ground, grasping for air.

"Caitlin are you ok," he kneeled down to her side. She was coughing and looked dazed. "Are you ok Cait?" Barry demanded this time, needing to know.

"Yes," she said after getting her breath," Thank you." He scooped her up in his arms and sped her to Ciscos side, before then going and grabbing both Wally and Joe.

"Get them to STAR LABS," Barry instructed.

"Way ahead of you," Cisco nodded as he opened portal. They helped the others through before Barry turned his attention back to the meta. "Need any help?" Cisco asked.

"No, Stay with them. Check on Joe, get Wally in a bed and make sure Caitlin is fine. I'll handle this." Without a second thought Barry rushed the meta. Before Cisco hopped through the portal, he watched Barry in action and couldn't help himself from smiling.

"He's back baby."


	5. Chapter 4

Coming Back

Barry had arrived at STAR LABS about ten minutes after Cisco had vibed everyone else back. Cisco and Caitlin were both fine, just a few bumps and bruises. Joe had a bandage on his forehead and an ice pack against his head. Wally had drawn the short draw, condition wise, laying in the medbay with his leg propped up and in a cast.

"There he is," Cisco announced with a bit of cheer," I can assume our meta buddie is out cold and heading for Iron Heights?"

"That he is," Barry informed them.

"Wait, you took down that meta and you didn't come back and get your suit," Caitlin expressed her concern but Barry raised a hand in defense.

"I blurred my face and vibrated my vocal cords and even then not that many people were around, just Cecille," Joe became for interested at this point and Barry let him know that she was fine," and Captain Singh but I stayed long enough to make sure the meta was in custody and then headed here." Barry walked into the medbay to check on Wally. "How bad is it?" he asked Caitlin.

"Well he has a broken femur and tibia," Wally groaned, mostly in annoyance, as Caitlin went over his diagnose," with his healing he will be fine, but we have to wait for the swelling in his muscles to go down and even then it could take him a few days to be back on his feet." Wally grabbed his pillow from under his head and scream into it.

"Why," Wally asked no one in particular," why the leg, why couldn't the ass have broken my arm."

"You know for someone who should be in a lot of pain," Cisco noted," you sure aren't showing it."

"My anger is suppressing the pain," Wally plobbed his head back onto his pillow.

"Well look it could have been worse," Joe came to his side placing a hand on his shoulder," I'm just happy you are fine."

"Joe's right Wally," Caitlin agreed," that meta's powers were more than we thought, who knows what more damage he could have done." They could tell Wally didn't like it but he remained silent and just nodded. Wally then lifted his head," but if I'm here for, god know how long, what are we gonna do about metas? I mean Cisco, you and Caitlin are powerful but-"

"without a speedster we have a bit of a disadvantage." Cisco finished his thought. To those words, everyone looked at Barry who was just staring the floor. He could, however feel their eyes on him.

"Guys," he looked up and stared at them but his eyes made their way to Caitlin's," Look I don't know about. I don't know if I can do it."

"Come on Barry, you can't say you didn't enjoy the feeling of running again," Wally tried to convince him," and with you back on the Team, we can finally clean up the streets more than what we were doing."

"And, while you didn't want it before, I still added some new additions to your suit," Cisco chimed in.

"This city could use the Flash Bar," Joe noted.

Barry looked around, the looks on everyone's faces made it hard to argue and what Wally had said was right, he didn't realize how much he missed using his speed until after he was running back to STAR LABS, nothing but him and the city whipping past him, he had enjoyed it. He found himself looking at Caitlin again. She made contact with him and gave a half smile," It would be nice to have you back," she insisted.

He had to think about it, he still remembered why he stopped being the Flash. He wasn't sure if he could do that again, risk that again, not another person he loved. He stood there lost in thought for a moment before returning his answer. "I-will think about it okay, that's not a Yes, but just know that it's not a No either."

They all nodded and they then decided to flood out of the room, leaving Wally to get some rest. Joe had gotten a call from Cecille and headed out to meet her back at the precinct. Cisco had retreated to his lab, excitedly mentioning something about Barry's suit. Caitlin had called it a early day and headed home, but Barry caught her before she hopped on the elevator. "Hey, Caitlin," she stopped and turned. "ehm, listen about last night,"

"Barry, last night was dumb, I shouldn't have-" she was cut off by a hug. She was shocked but then slowly accepted it more. Barry pulled away and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," he admitted.

"You? Why? I'm the one who brought up…," her voice trailed off, they both knew the end of the sentence but Barry didn't look upset.

"You were being a good friend. You were trying to make me see something I had blinded myself from with chemically engineered booze and work and I snapped at you and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you and if I'm being honest, I'm a bit embarrassed that it took Kil-," He stopped himself. He remember that she hated calling her alter ego 'Killer' Frost, tho her other side didn't mind. "it took your frosty side to remind me of that."

Caitlin began to slightly blush," that's more embarrassing for me. Please tell me she didn't do anything stupid."

"Not at all," Barry assured her," he actually made me realize what I was losing." Caitlin sighed in relief. "She also threaten to ice me over if I did anything like that to you again," Barry said more teasing. Caitlin felt her cheek blush slightly more than what they already were. 'Frost had defended her?'

"Well I'm just glad that you are, considering, coming back," Caitlin said after collecting herself.

"Yeah, me too." They stood in silence for a moment. Caitlin wanted to say something, but she decided against it, changing it to something less complicated. "You headed home too?"

"No, not just yet," Barry informed her," I have someone I need to go talk to."

* * *

 **Hope you guys (those who have decided to give this a chance) enjoy this chapter. Not very long but I hope you enjoy. If you do, hit me with a review, they are always appreciated. And if you also like SuperFlash, check out my other story ScarletBlue.**


End file.
